Why Is He Looking for a Mistress?


It’s not a secret that men are attracted to the forbidden; women are experts in seduction and affairs can be a sweet drug that will give you the ride of your life.

The main reason (but not the only one) why a man chooses to have a mistress is just to have a different physical and sexual experience. Some men need to fulfill their deepest desires, but they don’t want their wife or girlfriend to know what’s inside that dirty mind. So, they go out looking for someone who can make their fantasies come true, and then they come back home, kiss the wife on the forehead and read a bedtime story to the kids before going to bed.

If you are the wife, it’s important that you know what men are looking for in a mistress and what you need to give to your partner so he can see you as the perfect woman, his wife, his best friend, the mother of his children, and of course, the perfect lover. He will not look anywhere else.

Don’t let your man go after another woman. Become the wife and the mistress, the woman of his dreams and the insatiable lover, the queen in the house and the fireball in bed, all at the same time.

I’m going to give you the ten reasons why men look for a mistress so you can turn those qualities into opportunities. These qualities will be your weapons to improve your marriage or your relationship.

1. He Wants To Explore New Things Sexually.

In the mind of immature men there are some dirty secrets that he’s afraid to share with his partner, so he decides that it’s a better idea to look for another woman to fulfill these fantasies. What a lot of men ignore is the fact that, if they are not doing well in his current relationship, it will be very hard to maintain another one. That’s why only 20% of men actually succeed in having a long affair.

Men need to know that women don’t decide to just stop having sex; there must be a reason, and they should ask for the truth. Women desire sex as much as men do, it’s just that we are not that obvious.

The trick is communication. Ask your husband or boyfriend what he likes in bed, which fantasies he wants to fulfill, what he wants and doesn’t have yet. And the most important part: tell him your fantasies too. You’ll never know, maybe your fantasy is something that he always wanted to do but he was too afraid to ask for.

2. He Is Looking For Support.

Your man has dreams and projects, and maybe because of different circumstances in life, he couldn’t accomplish them. If he wants to start a business, become a DJ, or change jobs to do what he is passionate about, no matter what it is, you have to support him.

A lot of women are afraid of their partner failing, but that is not how this works. There must be trust in the relationship, trust in what he is capable of. If you give him your trust he will make an extraordinary effort to not let you down.

Some men only tell their dreams to the mistress because their partners are critical or unreceptive to their ideas. You have to listen and talk with him about his ideas and plans. At some point he might ask for your help and you want to be prepared.

3. He Wants To Get Out of His Routine.

After years of relationship, couples tend to fall into a routine. At that point he thinks that everything in his relationship is boring and that there’s nothing new. It’s always the same, every single day. So he goes out looking for an easy way out. The idea of putting in effort to turn his relationship into something different and fun never crosses his mind. There’s a voice in his head saying “My wife will never do that.” And he will not spend the time convincing you to do something fun because the routine is too strong now.

Creating a fun relationship is the responsibility of both of you. Ideas must be generated and carried out. You can make a calendar with creative activities that you can enjoy together. This way you can continue living the relationship as if it were the first day. I understand that sometimes work, chores and family can take up all of our time, but it’s important to also make time for your relationship, as this will keep it healthy and dynamic.

4. He Misses the Adrenaline.

Men love nervousness, the fear of being caught, the adrenaline. That feeling that runs up and down his body. The same feeling he used to have when he was making love to his college girlfriend in his car, hiding from the police. He wants to give up his relationship for the experience of feeling the thrill of the forbidden.

A lot of women think that there’s no way to bring that feeling back after years of being in a relationship, but there’s always a way. You just need to be willing to try new things, and get wild from time to time. Experiment with your sexuality together, set boundaries and trust each other.

5. He’s Looking for Someone Younger.

Most women living in this situation constantly blame themselves for losing his man to a 23 year old girl. To those women I say, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Older men start dating younger women because a younger woman brings out the young side of his personality. She makes him feel young and attractive again. He feels invigorated and appreciated again for qualities he thought were lost a long time ago.

Another reason is simply because they don’t know what they want and they end up having a relationship that only makes them lose money. Gentleman, let’s be honest, the only reason why a 23 year old will date a 50 year old man is to get something in return. They want a sugar daddy. Is it really worth it to lose your marriage over a fling that will end when you run out of money?

Let him know that he’s attractive even when the years have passed, that he’s getting more handsome year after year and that you are crazy in love with him, like in the beginning of the relationship.

6. He Is Looking for Someone Less Demanding.

If you are constantly asking your husband to do chores, pay the bills, run errands and help you with the kids without even saying thank you, he will run away. Relationships are a two-way street and you shouldn’t take anything for granted. Gratitude and rewards are always appreciated by a man. If he does something nice for you, do something nice in return. That is what a mistress does to make him happy.

7. He Wants To Forget His Problems.

If he fights with the wife, he goes to the mistress and complains. If he has a bad day at work, he goes to the mistress and shares his problems with her because he is looking for comfort and understanding.

If he lost his job, had a fight with a coworker, his car got broken, he is having financial problems, don’t give him a lecture, don’t yell and say “I told you so.” Listen to him, understand the problem and offer your help to overcome every situation together, if there’s nothing you can dot to help him, just show some empathy and make him know you are there for him.

8. He Doesn’t Feel Valued.

When he feels that you are taking him for granted and you overlook the nice things he does for you, he will stop doing them. If a man gives you flowers and your answer is “What did you do now?” or if he gives you chocolates and your response is “Thanks, but you know I’m on a diet,” that will make him feel unappreciated.

The mistress never rejects a gift; she always receives them with a smile on her face and covers him with kisses and hugs. You must learn to be grateful because you would like him to be grateful if you do something nice for him. In a relationship you must treat the person how you would want to be treated.

9. He’s Looking For Compliments and Flattery.

If he is wearing a new cologne, let him know he smells great. If he loses some weight, tell him he looks amazing. If he gets a promotion, invite him to have dinner somewhere nice. Every goal he achieves and shares with you is a reason to give him a compliment and celebrate somehow.

Every single day, tell him he looks handsome and that you love him, because everyone loves to hear that every day. Don’t criticize him. If there’s something you don’t like about him you can talk about it and let him know in a nice and not hostile way. Treat your partner like you would treat your best friend.

10. He Is Looking For The Things You Used To Have Before.

Maybe your first birthday gift to him was a pair of tickets for a baseball game, and you were eating hotdogs, drinking beer, yelling and laughing all the time. You used to have sex everyday and now you have it once every two weeks and on special occasions.

Maybe you used to dress nice, used make-up, wore hills and you were fit. I know, a lot of women won’t like what I’m about to say, but men like healthy women that take care of themselves. You don’t need to be a size 2 — that’s for sure — , but you need to take care of your health. So try to keep your health and appearance in good condition. And this goes both ways, if you were a healthy couple in the beginning of the relationship, try to motivate each other to improve everyday.

Use these 10 tips to never lose sight of what’s important to keep your relationship in good shape, and remember that communication is the most important tool, so use it in your favor. Don’t be afraid to ask if you notice that he’s sad or worried about something. If he shares his thoughts with you, pay attention and listen actively, because your support is very important for him.

Finally, I just want to mention that if you are in the position of the other woman and you are aware of the situation he’s in, stay away. Most of the time, being the third person in the relationship brings chaos, problems, and unnecessary drama to your life. You deserve to be the first choice in a man’s life, not just the entertainment when he’s bored and unhappy.

This post was previously published on medium.com.


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